Our search is over – we have found a donor and couldn’t be happier with our choice!
He was released today and we snapped him right up as there were only 2 spots left and we each need one to be able to use the same donor. So what’s our donor like you ask? Well unlike the first donor we chose (at our last clinic), we decided to go with someone who looked more similar to me. We had a good think about it but at the end of the day Anna and I agreed that we wanted the kids to be somewhere in between our own features but the only way to really do that was to lean towards my darker features because they will more than likely dominate Anna’s lighter features… More so than lighter features being able to dominate my darker ones!
We also thought it was important to consider that we might not be able to use my eggs in the future and therefore this was a good way to still have the bubs looking something like me but not completely unlike Anna. This donor seriously looks like he could fit into my family but don’t worry, I’m sure he’s not related!
So… after we looked at his picture and thought ‘what a cutie patootie’, we then checked out his profile. His health seems to be all clear aside from a minor eye issue which apparently affects over 25% of the population. It’s very common and we weren’t too worried about that because the kids may not have the same issue and even if they didn’t take anything from the donor, there is a chance that Anna’s side will contribute to some eye problems. Anna doesn’t wear glasses herself but the rest of her family don’t have the best eyes. It could be something that affects our children anyway but hey fingers crossed they are blessed with perfect health!
Our donor also has similar interests and hobbies to Anna and I which was nice but unlike us, he is also extremely sporty and athletic. It was nice to see that he enjoys sports because the kids won’t really get that from us so perhaps they might get that side from their donor which is something we would completely embrace.
He is also very intelligent which is another big tick in our box! It appears he enjoyed studying and his hard work has led him to a career that he seems proud of. We like that he is academic and that he also seems to be well cultured. Don’t get me wrong, Anna and I are no Einstein’s but we definitely value a good education and someones thirst to expand their knowledge.
So, it appears that all of our boxes have been ticked and we now have our Mr Right! He is what we wanted and what we think will make a wonderful blend for our little family. Now we just hope that he has super sperm because we are keen to make some beautiful babies!
Oh, Provera sounds like it’s going to be a big chunk of fun. It also tells me to beware of driving – considering I do a lot of the driving, this should be interesting.
I’ve not had this medication before. The cycle at this clinic is quite a bit different to our old one. Not sure I’m overly looking forward to the side effects of this one but we will see how it goes.
Want to hear some more possible side effects I get to look forward to?
- weight gain or loss
- change in appetite
- mild stomach discomfort/pain/bloating/nausea
- sleep problems (like I don’t already have enough?)
- skin colour changes
- acne, itching, rashes
And that’s just the less severe of the possibilities.
Wow, I really can’t wait.
All in the name of wanting a baby. I know that I would do anything to start a family with Carla so this is all more than worth it in the end.
I have had to overcome a massive needle phobia. I think it’s now down to a moderate phobia haha. I’m pretty sure I can handle the side effect of this medication.
Bring it on!
Today we received an email from our clinic to let us know that a donor we were interested in had been given the all clear and was officially on the market. They uploaded a pic of him and we were initially pleased! It was a photo of him at about age 6 we think. He looked really cute and had the hair and eye colours we were looking for to be somewhere in between the two of us.
When we sat down and worked out what we wanted our donor to be like we considered a few things. Here’s what our wish list looked like:
- Donor & family must have relatively good health – certain things were acceptable depending on the health condition.
- Physical features somewhere in between Anna and I for a blended approach but no stand out features. We didn’t want anything prominent that we would look at and go ‘oh yep they’re the donor all over’.
- An essay or note to the children that we connected with – we wanted someone that seemed like they have a kind and soft soul.
- Someone that had passion for their hobbies and interests or someone who generally showed some sort of ambition or drive.
As for point 2, we completely understand that our beautiful babies will have the DNA and genetic make up of another wonderful human out there that was kind enough to donate his sperm and make our dream something achievable however we wanted to choose someone that is ordinary looking with nothing that stands out. We don’t want the next Dolce and Gabbana model with a chiseled jaw or striking smile. We just want your average looking guy that would blend into a crowd so that the baby is more likely to have defining features from either Anna or I (of course depending on which egg was used).
So that brings us to today, the person that we thought might be our donor. He was cute and sweet looking. We liked most pieces of information on his profile and he ticked virtually every box. So why didn’t we jump on the chance to snatch him up? Well… it all came down to his ears. Yep you read that right, his ears. Now don’t get me wrong, we would love a baby no matter what and this guy looked adorable as a child, but given the choice, would we avoid choosing someone with a stand out feature? Well yes, I guess the answer is yes. Perhaps we could come to accept that the baby would have a stand out feature from their donor or maybe we would need to wait until we were 100% happy with our choice. We aren’t looking to be picky but I guess for some people they look for someone who is extraordinary whereas we really just want someone who is… well, extra ordinary! The search continues… for now!
I’ve been feeling heavy lately and our scales had decided to give up on me so tonight we decided to go and buy some new ones. Seemed like the logical thing to do. The right thing to do. It had been a couple of months since I have been able to weigh myself so every time we went to an appointment at the clinic and they would say “so Carla how much do you currently weigh?” I would respond with “oh you know, the same as last time”. Well I was wrong, very wrong.
We made our way into trusty old Kmart tonight because let’s face it, we love that place and will use any excuse to go there. I made my way to get some scales whilst Anna went to find a new bra (oh la la). I really couldn’t help myself, I saw an open scale sitting there on the shelf so I decided there and then that it would be a great time to weigh myself. Well what a big mistake that was. Cue shopping centre meltdown – adult style. I couldn’t believe the number I saw there in front of me. I’ve put on 10 kilos since I last weighed myself at the beginning of all the IVF treatment. It was a shock. I was in shock. I jumped off and jumped back on again to make sure the digital number was no lie. Sadly, it wasn’t. I walked around in a haze until I found Anna to break the bad news to her. I felt devastated and like I had lost complete control of my body. How did I let this happen? How could I have been so foolish to think that because I couldn’t see the scales going up it meant they actually wouldn’t be.
We left the shop and I bounced between being determined to lose the weight I had gained and feeling completely sorry for myself. I went back and forth between those two emotions about 20 times on the way back to the car.. which was a 5 min walk. I also tried to convince myself it wasn’t that bad. I tried to calculate the weight of my jeans, my jumper, my shoes.. it was all adding up to several kilos in my head but I knew I was only kidding myself. I even went as low as to thinking about how much lighter I would be after going to the bathroom. I know, that’s absolutely terrible and not a healthy view on it all. Anyway my obsession with the weight I had just found I had gained continued all the way home. I told Anna that I didn’t want to try and get pregnant again until I kicked some of that weight off. Really I have approx 4 weeks before it’s show time for me so surely I could make some serious progress in that time?! Right?!
I got home and decided that I should weight myself on the scales that we had just bought so that I knew where I was starting from. They say the worst time to weigh yourself is at night but that didn’t stop me. I stripped off down to my underwear (after taking a pit stop through the toilet) and weighed myself again. To my disappointment I had only lost 600g. All the extra weight that I thought I had removed made very little difference.
Now I’m sitting in bed and going back and forth between emotions again. I know I can lose that weight again but in my head it’s a set back. I’m supposed to be getting as healthy as possible before carrying a baby not putting weight on. I’m going backwards. Tomorrow is a new day and all I can do is carry on and focus on being healthy. I will lose the weight and then hopefully only find my tummy growing from a baby and not because of fat that is kindly clinging on for dear life!
Today we received an email outlining all of the costs for the IVF cycle and frozen embryo transfers (FET’s). We know full well how expensive the whole process can be put my gosh seeing it all outlined again made me nervous. It’s so upsetting to know that we have already paid for 2 full IVF cycles and 5 transfers yet still have no baby to show for it.
Our new clinic is definitely more expensive than our last but I’m really hoping that they bring us more success. I mean they do say you get what you pay for right? Hopefully the extra cost means extra care and better success! We’ll outline the costs as we go in case someone stumbles across this blog and wants to know about the costs associated with you know, creating a little human. We’ll add them on the bottom of the post as we pay each thing so that you all know when the payments were due as well because it can vary.
We’re really hoping that we get a nice and sticky baby from Anna’s next egg collection. We won’t be able to go again straight away if none of the embryos work so we are kinda putting all of our eggs in one basket! It’s a bit of a worry but I guess it will happen if it’s supposed to. We’ll just need to continue saving like crazy in the mean time so that we have a bit of a buffer. I wish we could snap our fingers and just be pregnant. Anyone that says being gay is a choice is crazy.. I mean why on earth would we choose a harder path? Anna likes to garden, maybe I can ask her to go and plant us a money tree! Ha!
Yippee! We had an email that a couple of new donors had been added or re-released.
Carla jumped on and looked straight away. We discovered that there were now even a couple of USA donors that we didn’t see the other night.
There was a potential USA donor but we still put him down as a ‘Mr Right Now’. One of the Australian donors looked good but he had no picture available (we have emailed the donor team back to see if they have one). The other Australian donor looked really good!!! The only problem is he is wanting his sperm to go to only a heterosexual couple.
As annoying as it is, we totally understand and we like the fact that they are allowed to put their preferences down. We discussed this when we had the counselling and talked about how we would prefer to know this. We didn’t want our child to want to find the donor one day and for the donor to be unhappy that our child was raised by a lesbian couple. Or not want to meet them because of this fact.
So now the search continues and we wait for more donors to be added. It’s hard to be patient when we just want to jump back in. The clinic nurses called me the other day to see if we wanted to book a nurses orientation to be shown how to use the drugs. They also asked when we would be getting started and when my period might start.
I told them we couldn’t start until we had picked a donor and as yet there were none suitable. My period wouldn’t come for who knows how long (thanks PCOS) but that the professor had given me a prescription for some pills to bring it on. We would book a nurses orientation when we knew we had to take another day off work as they only do them Mon-Fri, 10.30 or 11.
So this phone call brought on a stupid Google frenzy from me. I knew one of the main reasons we should do the nurses orientation was a drug called Orgalutran.
I had heard about this drug from a few people, how the needle was bigger and blunter than any we had used before. So of course I did was every other needle phobic person would do – I googled what it looks like.
That was a mistake. It made me nervous all over again about the needles. I had gotten to be an old hand at Puregon and Pregnyl and even Luveris. I think at the old clinic, in the space of 2 weeks, I had about 30 needles and blood tests.
But that’s okay, I know I will be fine. Carla is amazing at giving me needles and so very supportive of my phobia. She’s so incredible and I feel very blessed to be on this journey with her.
After an exciting day Anna and I set out in search for our new donor last night. It was a search that came to an end very quickly!
We were a little underwhelmed with the choices that sat in front of us. Many of the donors were of different ethnicity so we ruled them out quite quickly. Out of the donors that were left, we were then further limited by the amount of family spots that they had. We need someone that has at least 2 family spots left so that both Anna and I could use the same donor. We appreciate that it’s something that’s not only important to us but also to our clinic.
So after our brief but very informative search we came to one donor who met most of our criteria but not all. There were boxes that he didn’t tick but he was the only one on there that came close. That made me wonder what others do when they find themselves in that situation. Do they continue to look for Mr Right or do they settle for Mr Right Now?
We decided not to settle for Mr Right Now – yet. We will call the clinic and find out when the donor list will be updated and then go from there. We just don’t know if he is the one. We don’t think he is. So for now we are ‘donorless’. We remain in high spirits knowing we never expected to have access to our donor register immediately so really we are still ahead of where we thought we would be. Maybe we will be able to put a face to our donor soon.